Friday 23 November 2012

Slut-Shaming in YA (Or Something That I Have an Opinion About That May Be Completely Unjustified)


(I tried to think of a funnier title, but I'm just not as on the ball as I used to be) *Puts on fancy discussion pants* So.  Slut-Shaming. I, generally, see slut-shaming as a bad thing. I think a lot of us do. So why is it that in teen books (and I’m sure many other kinds of books that I don’t read) seem to have characters that think they’re on some kind of moral pedestal and have the right to call anyone they think is prettier than them a slut?

I’m sure that it doesn’t happen that often, but I still think it appears more often than it ever should. I don’t mind if a character wants to bitch about other characters, but slut-shaming just really, really frustrates me, and whenever I do see it, it always seems to be coming from some Virginial-Better-Than-Thou type who thinks that they’re unattractive and want to project their insecurities on to girls that they think are prettier than them. And this just makes me so mad, because a) a pretty girl does not maketh a slut, and b) what’s so wrong with girls having sex anyway.

It’s this whole culture that we have that perceives sex as being an almost degrading thing for a girl to have. Like, so much negative sexual language is female-oriented (slut, whore, bitch ect) and I just want to know why. I understand that I guess it’s biological on some level, because women are the one’s who’re meant to have children and all that crap, and men are meant to spread their genes everywhere or some bullcrap, but come on guys. Seriously. It’s 2012, and a girl who has had sex should not be treated the way they sometimes are by other girls their age. And a girl being a virgin shouldn’t be a bad thing either! A girl/woman should be able to do whatever she wants to do with her body without being judged by the rest of us.

I think a good example of what I'm talking about is Taylor Swift (yeah, I know, she's not a YA character) but her song You Belong With Me (and possibly others, I don' listen to a lot of Taylor Swift though her music is very catchy) where she's like 'she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts'? So what! Do you think wearing t-shirts makes you more or less worthy of a boy than a girl who wears short skirts? Maybe she wears t-shirts too, Taylor! Maybe she's cheer captain because she works really hard and is driven and that intimidates you! Maybe she's actually a really cool person and you just wouldn't know because you're so swept up in the idea that you deserve a boy more because you're more modest/because you wear sneakers instead of high heels or whatever? Really, let's face it, if he's such a great freaking guy, why hasn't he seen how great you are and dumped his horrid high heel wearing galfriend already? Huh? And don't tell me that part at the end of the video where she's in a white dress and the boy realises how great Taylor is all of a sudden isn't some kind of subconscious virgin thing (which isn't wrong! I'm not trying to say that at all) Grr. Sorry for ranting, that song just annoys me.

And I know you may be thinking, but Cicely, who are you to talk about sex? What do you know about ANY of this stuff you’re talking about? You would be correct. I don’t claim to know anything, I’m just observing as outsider. And again, it’s not even definitively used for girls who’ve had sex. It’s said about attractive girls, or girls who make an effort to look pretty and just because you don’t even try and still manage to have a love triangle, dearie, doesn’t give you a right to talk shit about other girls who want to look nice. There are better ways to deal with your insecurities than being mean about the girls who make you feel worse about them. There are better ways than always feeling inadequate compared to your best friends. This will not make you happy. This will not make you like yourself more. Heck, if you’re anything like me it’ll just make you feel worse. It’s how bullies are born, and maybe that girl that says mean things about you has the same insecurities you do. Maybe your best friend looks at you and feels like crap by comparison. Hating them because they make you feel more insecure will not make it better.

I hope I’m not sounding too preachy here. I’ve already discussed insecurity quite a bit here in Blogsville, and I am far from knowing any of the answers, but this whole culture of girls hating themselves and each other is just so negative. And I’m not saying don’t hate people, because it’s okay to not like people. I generally don’t like people as a rule (unless you’re my friend), but try not to be mean about them. I don’t even know who I’m addressing anymore. I keep on using ‘you’ like I’m talking to someone, but I don’t even know. Anyway, we live in a society where women are encouraged to not like each other, well maybe not that far, but we’re encouraged to focus on other women’s imperfections. We’re encouraged to only see our own imperfections. In Women’s Magazines, we see pictures of celebrities and we try to shame them, all to make us feel more ‘normal’, like even those whose job is it to be beautiful sometimes have off days. Which isn’t so terrible in itself, but sometimes they’re attacked for what they’ve done whether they cheated on someone or left the house without make-up or have cellulite or whatever, and it just makes me wonder, why? Why do we even care? Am I getting too off-topic here? I don’t even know anymore. This kind of ended up going a different way than I’d thought it would.

Again, I’m not trying to be preachy or make anyone feel bad, I just think our culture is so odd and unhealthy. I don’t think that people are bad for reading Women’s Magazines or for wanting to look pretty or for feeling insecure because that’s just normal, and I’m just an oddball for not really wanting those things. I just think that it’s really strange, how we’ve ended up being this way.

I have been reading a lot of Feminist blogs lately though. I mean, that could have a LOT to do with this.

*NB: I don't have anything against Taylor Swift, I was just using that one song as an example. To be honest, I don't know much about her so I'm mostly using it out of context.

**Virgin-shaming is JUST AS BAD. 

7 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. I consent. I think that writers are often trying to entice the silent, bookish kinds by establishing up their character as 'one of them', but there's no need to propagate girl-hate in the procedure.

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  2. I agree with you COMPLETELY. This makes me *so* angry. FFS why the hell does it matter what anybody does as long as it doesn't hurt anyone?! Thanks for this, love :) x

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  3. I think you put it very well! And I agree, that Taylor Swift song is awful.

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  4. I'd actually use Taylor as an example of someone who gets slut-shamed A LOT because a lot of her songs are about boys (and not the same boy). She seems to be in a no-win situation. Her favourite thing to wear is dresses and heels so I don't think she *really thinks* that although I don't think the music video was the best way of portraying it as it fell for the stereotypes (like you said, the white dress!!).

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  5. I agree. I think that authors are often trying to appeal to the quiet, bookish types by setting up their protagonist as 'one of them', but there's no need to spread girl-hate in the process.

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  6. Lol, yeah, you touched on a lot here, but it's all good stuff. Right on, lady! *fist pumps*

    Girls shouldn't hate on girls, as a rule. (Individually, as you said, it's okay not to like someone. That's life.) And yeah, neither attractiveness nor sexual activity maketh a slut. It's a shame to see that misconception in books, in particular, because reading is so, so informative and so, so subtly influential. Sigh...

    Well, what we try to do to combat that "ish" is to promote the books that have WONDERFUL messages about feminism and sex. Books like GRACELING and FIRE by Kristin Cashore.

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